Are you listening?

Me: "Can I have a Cab"?
Waitress brings me the tab.
Me "No, not the tab can I have a cab"?
Waitress: "Do you want an Uber or a taxi"?
Me: "No I'd like a glass of Cabernet".

That's pretty twisted.

"He's as twisted as a balloon animal."

So what does that look like?

"He fell and broke his female bone."

Is she a he?

"She looks cool and sheikh." 

Wood that be your take on it?

"They're board out of their minds."

They're playing chicken.

"So many Trump supporters are shouting 'fowl'". 

Ouch

What I heard after a 30 mile bike ride:

"My ass feels like I just got out of prison."