If only!

 

"Life isn't all corn flakes and sunshine!"

Wow! That sounds cold!

 

"We were pissing icicles."

Thank God for indoor plumbing!

 

"I'm flushing out an idea."

Sounds pretty brainy!

 

"We walked into a mind field."

Do canines even like them?

 

"It was a bunch of liberal dog roll!" 

Ewww...that could get nasty!

 

"Hey, shit or get on the pot."

Does it ever hatch?

 

"That's when the shit comes home to roost."